i had the impulse to share this experience with someone close and dear, someone who would read it and know it and understand me better because of it. but then instead of doing something insular and private i thought maybe i should share this openly, whatever that means.
this morning i woke up feeling sad and lonely. i was chanting, inviting god in, but i think inside i was resisting, holding on somehow to this old way of living, of waking. where i am a sufferer, alone and neglected. i didn't get out of bed until far too late, i didn't shower, i didn't eat. i just dressed and prepared to walk out the door.
in despair and desperation as i left, i laid my head down at the foot of my puja, offering my formal and physical pranam to krishna. as soon as my forehead touched the floor my body changed, my heart opened, my energy melted warm and deep into my core. such a simple action...it was like god was able to see my sincerity through my resistance and pour his mercy through me.
i am full of gratitude.
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